i did not grow up in a well-to-do family and i seriously believed in working hard towards my goals. i studied hard, even though i know i couldnt do well in my English. i worked hard, give tuition when i was so busy with work in design school. because i know, i want to give a better life to the important people in my life. 

what do i get? 

i get the reality slapping my face. waking me up by telling me that a prettier face gets more than all the hard work i put in. telling me that i am just a silly someone who is there to clean up all mess and s*** for my family. it doesnt pay to be good, to be nice, to be hard working. and hey im working so hard, for what? for them… for my parents. and now my mum. 

and what she said to me today. “whats the big deal of having so much money?”. what a good question. i work so hard for you, to give you a better life, to bring you around the world, to bring you good food… all i thought of was to plan for a better home for you before i leave. thats what you said to me. once again, i dont feel appreciated. yea is just usual, whats new? 

since young, im always the hardworking one. although im shorter, uglier, and less of a sweet talker, but i put in all my heart. i was always the top, at least top 20 in school. who cares? ending up hearing superficial comments like why are you so short? why are so not as pretty? oh F. just shut up. i live with all these stupid comments… and it was only recently that i feel better about myself cos i achieved something and getting nearer to my goal. now what? 

whats wrong with you people? a 24 year old knowing NOTHING at all, JOBLESS still. but well she gets everything she wants cos of her pretty face. tell me that life is fair. tell me all you want. and this is what i get. 

tell me im not a failure. and convince me.